Another failure

I think most of you know now, but our second IVF ended exactly like our first one- in failure.  You never get used to seeing a negative home pregnancy test, or from getting a phone call from someone telling you you’re not pregnant.  It hurts just as much, if not more every single time.  Even when you know the phone call is coming and it’s going to be negative, you still desperately hope the home tests were wrong, and you’re going to get the most exciting, overwhelming news you’ve ever received in your life.  Instead, you’re filled with overwhelming, indescribable, sadness when the voice on the other end of the phone breaks the horrible news to you again.  That out of three embryos, none of them are going to make a beautiful baby that will come home with you in 40 weeks.  That the past 6 weeks of an emotional roller coaster of doctor visits, extreme amounts of hormones injected 51 times, and 8 extra pounds of weight were all for nothing.  Well, not actually for nothing; it was for another $13,000, right down the drain.  And, the irony of this is that if we had more money, we would be willing to start another IVF cycle next month.  The torture you go through with each cycle and the pain you feel with each failure doesn’t compare to the happiness we’d have if we became parents in the end.  I’m not sure where we’ll go from here, but somehow we’ll get through it because we have each other and the support from our amazing friends and family.