Another failure

I think most of you know now, but our second IVF ended exactly like our first one- in failure.  You never get used to seeing a negative home pregnancy test, or from getting a phone call from someone telling you you’re not pregnant.  It hurts just as much, if not more every single time.  Even when you know the phone call is coming and it’s going to be negative, you still desperately hope the home tests were wrong, and you’re going to get the most exciting, overwhelming news you’ve ever received in your life.  Instead, you’re filled with overwhelming, indescribable, sadness when the voice on the other end of the phone breaks the horrible news to you again.  That out of three embryos, none of them are going to make a beautiful baby that will come home with you in 40 weeks.  That the past 6 weeks of an emotional roller coaster of doctor visits, extreme amounts of hormones injected 51 times, and 8 extra pounds of weight were all for nothing.  Well, not actually for nothing; it was for another $13,000, right down the drain.  And, the irony of this is that if we had more money, we would be willing to start another IVF cycle next month.  The torture you go through with each cycle and the pain you feel with each failure doesn’t compare to the happiness we’d have if we became parents in the end.  I’m not sure where we’ll go from here, but somehow we’ll get through it because we have each other and the support from our amazing friends and family.

Transfer

Well, I’m officially pregnant until proven otherwise! On Monday late afternoon I started feeling worse.  My lower back pain became so intense that I couldn’t drive up to Birmingham; I was also super nauseas and weak.  I took some pain medicine and was able to fall asleep, but woke up around 2am in horrible pain again.  Anthony couldn’t sleep because of me, and was worried I still wouldn’t be able to drive in the morning. He wanted to take me to the emergency room, but knowing they would most likely just give me some sort of pain medicine that I wasn’t allowed to take, I refused.  I took some Tylenol and at some point finally fell back asleep on the couch, which was somewhat more comfortable than our bed because I could half way sit up.  Anthony woke me up at 5:15am and told me it was time for me to get in the shower so I could make in time.  The back pain had somewhat subsided, but I was still weak and feeling light headed walking around.  Anthony could see that I was a mess and called out of school so that he could take me.  It was a big deal for him to do that, and I am so grateful that he did, especially because my back pain came back when we were about half way to Birmingham. 

About an hour before we arrived at the clinic, I got a call from my IVF Coordinator who said that we only had one early blastocyst and two morulas so they wanted to see if it was okay if they thawed our one frozen embryo from our previous cycle.  Of course we said yes knowing that our frozen embryo was a really good grade (5AA).  I really couldn’t believe that our embryos were even worse off this time than they were the first cycle.  We finally got prepped and into the transfer room.  My doctor came in and after meeting with the lab told us that one of the two morulas had turned into and early blastocyst since we had received the phone call, and the blastocyst they thawed was doing really well.  This was good news, but knowing we only had one good grade embryo, we asked to transfer three instead of two. My doctor agreed, and said it wasn’t the standard for someone my age, but knowing our situation and the condition of the embryos he was really comfortable with it.  The transfer went extremely smoothly! I didn’t really feel anything (except the prep).  Anthony was so happy that he was able to be there, especially because he got to see the whole transfer on the ultrasound screen.  My doctor said my back pain is most likely due to my stimulated ovaries, and prescribed me more pain medicine in case I needed it.  The symptoms could get worse if I get pregnant, but at least it will be worth it!  

Since Anthony had to go back to school today, we couldn’t spend the night.  Instead, we stopped at Target on the way home and Anthony went in and got me an egg carton foam pad, a pillow, and a blanket.  We laid the seats in the back down and made a bed.  It was pretty funny, but it worked and I was able to get some rest on the way home.  Last night, I took more Tylenol instead of the prescribed pain med and my back pain actually decreased significantly and it hasn’t returned.  I hope it stays that way! I still had trouble sleeping because I had a back ache in a different way, I think from lying around too much.  I’m still feeling weak and light headed so I’ve spent my day on the couch again.  I am kind of hoping to get better each day, but kind of hoping I don’t in case that means something.  Either way, I think the progesterone plays tricks on you and you can’t really analyze any ‘symptom’.

December 15^th is my blood test, I’m going to try my very best to stay away from the evil pee sticks until then, we’ll see if I can actually do it! We’re holding onto hope that our one perfect embryo will make it, or that one of our low grade embryos will pull off a miracle. My lining looked great, so why wouldn’t they feel like making a home?! We also got the call that none of the remaining embryos progressed to freeze; not surprising, but still sad.  Please keep us in your prayers over the next week! Love you! xo

Embies - Day Three

Sorry I didn’t update my blog yesterday, believe it or not, I’m still not feeling like myself.  I have an ache in my lower back that’s causing me to lose sleep, and if I move a certain way it leaves my back and goes to my lower abdomen.  I think it’s because everything isn’t fitting inside me like it normally would with my enlarged ovaries. 

Onto the important stuff-- My embryologist called yesterday morning bright and early; I flew out of bed when I heard the phone ringing, and tried not to sound like I was still sleeping! She told me that she just left the lab and all 10 embryos were still dividing, which is great news.  I asked her the grade of them, but she said she didn’t really look into that, just looked to see if they were still dividing.  She said not to be concerned with that on day 3.  Kind of frustrating because of our small number of embryos on day 5 last time, but maybe it is better not to think about it. 

I’m heading up to Birmingham tonight for my transfer tomorrow.  Unfortunately, Anthony can’t get out of school because it’s his last week of this course and he needs to have enough flight hours to test on Thursday.  This means I’ll be taking a taxi to and from my transfer so that I can take a valium.  It’s not ideal, but I’ll do what it takes to change the outcome.  To be honest, I’m more concerned about giving myself a progesterone injection tomorrow night, than I am about taking a taxi! For some reason they have been SO painful this time around.  I cried last night it hurt so badly! Anthony thinks the gauge of the needle is a lot bigger than the ones I used last time so I’m going to see if I can get smaller ones that will still inject the thick oil.  I can’t imagine doing this every night for 10 weeks if I get pregnant!!  I’ll be staying in Birmingham until Wednesday morning so I can get some rest for my little embies before driving home.  I’ll update you again tomorrow after my transfer! xo

From twenty-three to ten...

I just got the call from my IVF coordinator, and I’m kind of bummed...actually I'm really bummed.  Of my 23 eggs, only 16 were mature and 10 fertilized with ICSI.  Last time we had 11 that fertilized with 20 mature eggs, so I shouldn’t have been so hopeful.  A normal person would be happy with 10 fertilized, but knowing about my egg quality issue, and what happened with my embryos last time is getting me down.  I'm really hoping all 10 continue to grow into perfect day 5 blastocysts, but I also know that's not likely.  I’ll get another update on Sunday morning from the embryologist on how they’re doing.  Please pray for our little embies.   I’m still wondering why God gave me the eggs of an old lady. Excuse me while I spend the rest of the day mad at the universe.  

Egg Retrieval

I’ll start by saying that yesterday they retrieved 23 eggs! That’s 2 more than last time!! I’ll find out how many fertilized with ICSI sometime today, I’m anxiously awaiting the phone call!  I wanted to give you all an update yesterday, but my retrieval was not nearly as easy as my first one, and I couldn’t bring myself to get on a computer, let alone put thought into a post!

I couldn’t sleep the night before my retrieval, I had so much anxiety that I slept from midnight to 3am, and maybe again from 5 to 6am.  I don’t know why I was so nervous, especially because my first retrieval was so easy.  I think the anxiety was more around what was going to happen during the procedure, rather than how I would feel- what if I ovulated before retrieval and there were no eggs, what if none of the follicles had any eggs in them, etc.  Finally, morning came and we got ready and headed to the clinic.  Once I was prepped, and it was nearing my retrieval time, they led Anthony off to do his sperm collection.  As soon as he left me, I could hear the girl in the surgery room screaming “OWWW” every couple seconds.  This definitely didn’t help my anxiety any. I do not remember anything from my last retrieval, and definitely do not recall it hurting at all.  Once they brought her out, there was only a curtain separating us, and she kept moaning in pain.  When the nurse came to get me and asked me if I was ready, I told her I was until I heard the other girl screaming! She just said that everyone responds differently to the pain meds and anesthesia.  Once we were in the surgery room, she immediately gave me meds that made me not care about anything, and then more medicine that sedated me.  I’m not sure how much time had gone by or how much of the retrieval they’d already done when I could feel EVERYTHING! I kept telling them it hurt so badly, and then I heard, “We have 15 so far”.  They said they were giving me more meds and I remember the excruciating pain for a few more minutes or seconds (who knows) and then finally the next thing I remembered is them telling me they were all finished.  Thank GOD! They brought me to recovery where Anthony was waiting for me.  I was still in pain, but so glad to be done with it.  After a half hour or so, it was time for me to get ready to leave.  Anthony had to help me get dressed because I could barely walk.  One of the nurses wheeled me down to wait as Anthony got the car.  We had planned on going to lunch after, but I told Anthony that I didn’t think I could.  We went to Walgreens to fill a prescription for pain meds and nausea medication and after I took the pain meds, I felt like I could go to lunch and was really hungry since I hadn’t eaten since the night before.  We went to PF Changs, and right after we ordered, I felt the sedation of the pain medicine.  I was SO tired; I thought I was going to fall asleep at the table. I ate my soup and a few bites of food and was already full.  Our server took FOREVER to do everything and all I could think about was getting to the car to go to sleep on the drive home.  Finally we were on our way home.  I started feeling weird, so I took the nausea medicine and not more than 3 minutes later, I was vomiting into a little plastic pan they had given me in case I got sick.  After I filled that, I asked for Anthony to give me his sweatshirt that was in the back seat so I could try and save the car, nope didn’t work.  Poor Anthony was trying to help me, and safely get off the highway to a gas station.  He hit a bump and my vomit pan spilled onto my leg and the car mat.  I think we spent a good 30 minutes at the gas station.  Anthony wins the husband of the year award for cleaning everything, while I changed and tried to wash my hair with shampoo and bottled water! When we finally got on the road again, I wasn’t nauseas at all, I was just so tired.  Every time I would fall asleep, there would be a subtle movement in the car, such as Anthony switching lanes or braking a little and I would wake up startled.  After the three longest hours of me falling asleep and immediately waking up, we were home!  I went to sleep right away, and woke up 2 hours later to eat, then went back to sleep again.  Talk about a long day!  Needless to say, I am praying that was my last egg retrieval!

Today I am feeling better; still extremely sore, but that’s normal and I know it will get better each day.  I am working from the couch today, and I’m thankful to have my little cuddle buddy with me, and a husband who keeps texting me to find out if I’ve heard from the doctor. :)

Ready for Egg Retrieval

I made the three hour drive to Birmingham yesterday morning and had a good monitoring appointment.  The nurse measured the largest 9 follicles and said most of them were mature.  She said she thought that’d I’d be able to trigger, but I’d have to wait to until later that afternoon when my blood work came back to be sure.  I asked how many she thought there were total, and she said she saw at least 10 in my right ovary (yeah!) and not as many in my left.  I’m hoping that this means we’ll get more than 11 eggs, and that they’ll be mature, baby making eggs!  I’m going for quality over quantity this time around, since last time we got 21 eggs (20 mature), and still only ended up with two embryos to transfer and one to freeze.

I received a call on my way home from my IVF coordinator letting me know that my blood work came back and I was ready to do my trigger shot. I made it through stims!! So, last night at 9:15pm, as instructed, I mixed up my HCG and Anthony injected the huge 1.5 inch needed into my upper buttox/hip area.  I was freaking out again since it’s been a few months since I’ve had to use those needles, but it wasn’t too bad.  I better get used to it because daily progesterone injections begin later this week with the same size needle.  Egg retrievals are scheduled 36 hours after the trigger shot, so my retrieval is set for 9:15am tomorrow.  Anthony and I will be heading up to Birmingham in an hour or so to stay the night since we have to be there an hour before the retrieval.  I wish I could enjoy my one night of zero shots, but I have to do an enema instead.  I think I’d rather do an injection!  I’ll update you all tomorrow to let you know how many eggs were retrieved.  Wish me luck; love you all!

Stim Day Eight Update

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! We had Anthony’s brother Kevin here, and our Army friends over.  I spent the entire day cooking, and then cleaning it up after we were done eating, but it was so wonderful to spend the day with Kevin and our Army family since we didn’t go home to California.  I didn’t have to go in for another monitoring appointment until yesterday, so we had the entire weekend to have fun with Kev! On Friday we went to lunch and shopping in Panama City Beach, and Saturday we went to the Iron Bowl in Auburn.  The fans are diehard, like nothing I’ve ever seen! They go all out for their teams. I wish I would have taken more pictures around campus so I could show you what I mean. 

Yesterday morning we said goodbye to Kevin, and headed to an early morning appointment in Birmingham (Montgomery is closed on weekends).  Thankfully, we spent the night in Montgomery, so we only had to drive a little over an hour.  The appointment went well; the nurse didn’t count all of the follicles, but she measured the 9 largest ones and from what I saw it looked like there were more than 11-- fingers crossed!  My estradiol and progesterone are still on track, and my endometrium is looking great. She said it’s looking like my retrieval will be on Thursday.  I have to go back for another monitoring appointment tomorrow and unfortunately my main nurse in Montgomery (the good one, not the one I don’t really like) had a family emergency and is going to be out.  This means another trip to Birmingham tomorrow, and for my retrieval later in the week.  Lots of driving, but hopefully it will pay off with positive results!

11/23: Stim Day Four- First Monitoring Appointment

11/23: Stim Day Four- First Monitoring Appointment

Last Wednesday I went in for my first monitoring appointment.  It was only day four of stims, which is a little early, but because of Thanksgiving it worked out best.  I was a little discouraged because the nurse said she saw 6 sizeable follicles in my right ovary, and 5 in my left.  There were others, but she said they were still the size they would be at a baseline check, and most likely wouldn’t grow.  In my first check of my last cycle, I had 18 sizeable follicles so 11 is definitely not what I was hoping for.  I don’t particularly like the nurse that checked me because she never seems sure of herself, so I’m hoping that she was either wrong about the count, or about saying that the others were not going to grow.  After all, it was only day four and my last cycle I got checked for the first time on day six. My estradiol was 189 and my progesterone was .5; they said that’s exactly where it should be on day 4, so at least I have that going for me!  I almost wish I had nothing to compare it to, since many women would probably be happy with 11. 

Here we go again!

I actually wrote this last Tuesday, but things got crazy with Thanksgiving and I never posted it!

11/22:

I’ve been going back and forth about whether or not to blog about this IVF cycle, but I finally decided that I should.  To get you all up to speed, I went in for my baseline appointment on October 12^th.  I had one cyst that they weren’t concerned about and my FSH was 6.2, down from 15.5 from my last cycle! 6.2 is in the normal range, so I’m hoping that the DHEA I’ve been taking has actually improved my egg quality.  Some studies say that you have to go by your all time high FSH, but I’m going to take this as a sign that this cycle is going to have a better outcome! 

Most cycles start off with birth control, but if you remember, my very first cycle was canceled when they saw a cyst at my suppression check.  They attributed it to the combination of Lupron and birth control.  So my first complete IVF cycle, and this cycle, they’ve gone off of my natural cycle.  Because it’s off of my natural cycle, they needed to check my progesterone for ovulation indication during my mid-luteal phase (menstrual cycle day 22) in order to start Lupron.  I went in for my progesterone check on October 31^st; the test results indicated that I had ovulated, and I was able to start Lupron that night.

I continued with daily injections of Lupron from the 31^st through the 16^th when I went in for my suppression check.  I was so nervous about getting canceled because of the cyst they saw in my baseline check, but it went great! No cyst and low estradiol, they said I was good to start stims this past Sunday.

So, tonight will be my third night of taking stimulation medicine! I do two injections a day- one of Lupron (smaller dosage than when I was only taking Lupron), and one of Follistim and Menopur mixed.  I go in tomorrow to see how many follicles I have and how big they are.  I’m not feeling bloated yet, but I don’t think I really felt anything until day six or seven last time. 

Now you’re all caught up!! I had such a good break from the infertility craziness that I almost forgot how involved an IVF cycle was.  Overall, I’m feeling hopeful, but worried about what’s next if this doesn’t work because we can’t afford to do another cycle any time soon (by any time soon I pretty much mean forever).

What's Next?

Sorry, I haven’t updated everyone in a few weeks; I just didn’t have it in me.  The first few days after we learned that I wasn’t pregnant were the worst.  The support from all of you really did help though, and we really cannot thank you enough for that.  I spent the last few weeks preparing for my “What Went Wrong” meeting with my doctor.  I did a lot of research, and came up with a couple pages of questions for him. 

I was nervous driving to my appointment on Monday, not knowing what I was about to hear.  Anthony was in school, so I had to go alone.  It was a difficult meeting, that’s for certain.  My doctor graciously answered every last one of my questions.  I learned that he believes there is an issue with my egg quality.  Although I had a feeling he may tell me this, I must say that I am completely devastated to find out that we are no longer only dealing with male factor infertility, which could easily be resolved with IVF with ICSI.  I have the egg quality of someone much older than 27.  Go figure. Of my 20 mature eggs, only 11 of them looked good, and probably why only 11 initially fertilized.  He said that by day 3, only 4 of the embryos were still looking like they had a chance.  This is usually indicative of an egg quality issue, rather than sperm.  He said that if there is an issue with sperm, you’ll start to see an issue on day 3 or after.  He was surprised to see that the embryos weren’t doing as well as they’d expected, especially because they retrieved so many eggs.  Going into this, I had a high FSH on one of my base line checks.  This indicates low ovarian reserve, or egg quality issues.  My doctor wasn’t too concerned because nothing else about me seemed to indicate an issue.  I had many resting follicles, and I’m still young; usually not characteristics of someone with high FSH.  

Even with the low number of well graded embryos, my doctor still felt hopeful that at least one of the two transferred would have implanted.  One of them was a good grade for day 5 (4BB), and the other was an okay grade (4BC).  He said that although there are better embryos transferred at day 5, he’s definitely seen worse graded embryos bring a baby home at nine months.  As for why they didn’t implant, it’s really hard to say.  Sometimes you just don’t know.  My lining was perfect, and the transfer catheter didn’t indicate any sort of trauma took place during the transfer.  I think that is the hardest fact with IVF to accept.  Sometimes, you just can’t explain why it wasn’t successful.  It’s a $12,000 crapshoot.

My doctor is still very hopeful, and said that if I was his wife, he’d want me to try again.  Even given the egg quality issues, we were still able to produce viable embryos.  He suggested doing another fresh cycle first before doing a frozen transfer, since we only have one frozen embryo.  Even though our frozen embryo is a perfect 5AA, the success rates just are not that great with one frostie, given that not all of them even survive the thaw.  He said that if it comes down to it, he can thaw it and transfer with another embryo from my fresh cycle.  I’m hoping that will not be necessary. 

After providing me with all of this information, my doctor told me that of course the next steps are ultimately our decision.  He said he completely understood if we wanted to seek a second opinion, and that no matter what, his door is always open to us.  I had already considered this before our meeting, but ultimately came to the conclusion that I’m not at a point where I feel we need to see someone else.  I absolutely love all of the staff at my clinic, and think finding another clinic that genuinely cares so much would be really hard to find.  There are many, many people who do not get pregnant on their first cycle of IVF, so I think it’s premature to start all over again with someone else when I still really trust my doctor. 

So where does all of this leave us?  I am going to start taking a supplement called DHEA.  There are mixed studies that show it can improve egg quality after taking it for a few months.  Whether this will end up working for me, who knows, but it’s worth a shot.  It really can’t hurt, so if there is a chance it can improve things, I’m all in.  We’re going to stick with the same stimulation protocol, as everything went really well up until fertilization, and we got a large number of mature eggs.  We’re also going to have Anthony provide a fresh sperm sample on the day of my retrieval, instead of using frozen.  They don’t believe this will have an impact, but we want to do anything we can to change the outcome.  On the day of transfer, I’m going to have someone take me so that I can take a valium.  Some people believe this relaxes the uterus (and the patient).  Whether this will make an impact, again, we don’t know, but why not switch things up from the last failed transfer. 

Planning our second cycle was proving to be difficult with Anthony’s school, and I thought we were going to have to wait and try and again over Christmas break, but the greatest husband in the world said he will do what it takes to be there whenever I want to schedule it.  So, we will start again sometime in October.  This will give the DHEA time to take effect, and my body will have a break from the intense hormones it received last month. 

I will say that I’m really struggling with the question: If there is a God, what is his message?  Are we messing with fate? Why would God make Anthony and me with bodies that are not able to reproduce?  Is this why so many religions are highly opposed to IVF? I have so many questions, and there are so many ways of looking at things.  I just wish I knew why all odds are against us.  I really cannot imagine living life childless, and it scares me to death that I may have to.  

I Guess It's Still Not Our Time

On Monday and Tuesday this week, I succumbed to temptation and took a pregnancy test, both of which so bluntly said “Not Pregnant”.  You think that would have prepared me for the call I received today confirming that I was not pregnant, but it did not.  I knew those two tests were right, but I held on to a sliver of hope that the blood test today would be different.  It wasn’t and I felt like the wind got knocked out of me when I heard my nurse on the other end of the phone telling me she was sorry.  I guess the finality of it just slapped me in the face.  I couldn’t even keep it together for the minute I was on the phone with her.  I wish Anthony was home because he somehow finds a way to make things better.  I cannot put into words the pain I feel in my heart today; it is an unexplainable sadness.  I want a baby more than I have ever wanted anything, and I tried so hard.  Why did my body let me down? Why didn’t those two embies make a home?  I will find the strength to try again, but right now it just hurts so badly.  

The Longest Wait

When I said that 9 days was going to be an eternity, I wasn’t kidding.  It’s only Wednesday, and I’m slowly (or maybe quickly) going insane.  It all started yesterday when I got the call that they were able to freeze one embryo.  ONE?! What happened to the other six that were doing well on Saturday?  I went from not expecting for any to make it to freeze, to feeling like crap when I got the news that ONE of them did.  I know that many people don’t have any frosties, but I can’t help but question why the others didn’t make it.  Does this have any reflection of the two inside me?  The logical answer is probably that they only freeze the really good embryos.  The ones that make it to day six and the ones that they feel can survive a thaw, and make a viable pregnancy.  The logic makes sense, but it doesn’t help the insane person I’m becoming one bit.

So the next reason I am negative Nancy is because I haven’t been spotting.  Most women would probably be happy they weren’t spotting, but I’m worried because I’m not.  I’m hoping to see it, so that I can hope its implantation bleeding.  The logical explanation here is that only 1/3 of women actually experience implantation bleeding, but again the insane person inside me isn’t allowing me to be logical. 

I’m sure the progesterone shots in my butt every night, are not making my emotional state any better.  They’re probably doing the exact opposite; making me crazy and irritable.  Great combo!  Poor Anthony, he’s taking it so well; he is so supportive, and trying to keep me positive.  His countless sweet words bring me to tears often.

If any of you have ideas to keep positive (and/or sane) over the next week, please let me know!

Here are photos of the embryos we implanted, and the ultrasound of the transfer.  You can barely see a little tiny white dot in my uterus (which isnt even visible in this small size photo)! What you can see, is a glimpse of my follicles, at the top right, which are still large and making me so, so bloated!! I appear that I’m already four months pregnant! Lovely! J

Embryo Transfer

My transfer went really well today, they transferred two great looking blastocysts.   Although this type of baby making is not desirable, it definitely is amazing.  I already love my 2 little blasts that resemble nothing close to a baby, but rather just a circle of cells.  The feeling of having life inside me is indescribable.  I hope they find my uterus super comfy and decide to make a home!  Waiting for the next 9 days is going to seem like an eternity!

I’ll try and write more tomorrow, but for now I need to get some rest for the drive home tomorrow.

Good Night! xo 

Embie Update!!

After a pretty much sleepless night, and many nightmares about how our embies were doing, we woke up early Saturday morning to the phone ringing.  I literally jumped out of bed and ran for the phone!  It was the embryologist with an update on our embies.  To our surprise, she said that 4 more eggs had fertilized since the first update, bringing the total number of eggs to 15.  The late fertilizers have a lot of fragmentation, so they probably won’t make it, but it was still a nice thing to hear, especially after dreaming that there were none.  She said that of the original 11, 9 of them are doing really well, and look exactly how they want them to look on day 3.  We were so relieved! Still a ways to go, but we enjoy celebrating each milestone!

So, we’re all set for our embryo transfer tomorrow.  They will be transferring the best 2 embryos we have, and they’ll be freezing the others make it.  Unfortunately, Anthony cannot come with me this time.  We’re super bummed because I’ve heard from so many that the transfer is such an amazing experience.   I am leaving in the morning to make the drive up there, and I’m going to stay in a hotel in Birmingham tomorrow to relax a day before heading back home.  I will update you all tomorrow evening on how everything goes!!

Wish me luck!! We need your prayers now, more than ever!!

xo

Pregnant in a Dish!!

I received the call from my IVF coordinator that 20 of my 21 eggs were mature, and 11 of them fertilized with ICSI.  We are so thrilled.  We were hoping that 10 would fertilize to give us something to work with, and 11 is even better!! We are officially pregnant in a dish; I cannot believe it!!  The embryologist is going to call us with an update on Saturday morning to let us know how our little embryos are doing.  I will be happy if we have 2 to transfer on Monday, but hoping we’ll have more to put on ice in case this first round doesn’t work, or for some siblings down the road.  Please keep our little embies in your prayers!! Love you all!

21 Eggs!

My egg retrieval went really well this morning; they retrieved 21 eggs!  We will find out tomorrow how many of them were mature, and how many of them fertilized.  I don’t remember too much about the procedure, but it wasn’t too bad.  Having Anthony with me was the best! He said I was funny when I was first coming off of the anesthesia because I kept waking up and going back to sleep, telling him about a new dream I had each time I woke up.  We’re back at home now, and I’m feeling sore and achy.  Thank God for the world’s best husband, he’s taking good care of me, and just went out and got me Dairy Queen!  Hopefully I’ll be feeling back to normal in the next few days.  My embryo transfer is scheduled for Monday, and my pregnancy test will be July 20^th!! I’ll update you guys again tomorrow with the fertilization report!

Here are some pre-surgery photos from this morning:

Update: Egg Retrieval Scheduled!!

On Sunday we made the trip up to Birmingham before the butt crack of dawn.  Fortunately, the long trip was worth it because we received the news that my follicles were progressing and my progesterone and estradiol were in the range that they needed to be.   The only bad thing was that she said I would have to return on Monday for another checkup.   This was only bad news because returning Monday meant I would have to drive to Birmingham again since the Mongomery office is closed on holidays. Another six hours of driving in one day!  

The repeat buttcrack of dawn drive was not fun, but I found out that my 18 follicles were ready to be triggered for egg retrieval on Wednesday.  I was instructed to take my trigger shot of HCG at 9:15 last night, 36 hours prior to my retrieval.  I was super nervous because the shot was an intramuscular injection, with a 1.5 inch needle.  I sucked it up and let Anthony stick me in the butt.  It didn’t hurt going in, but it really hurt while he was injecting.  It felt like he was moving the needle around inside my muscle, even though he wasn’t!  My butt is still sore! I am NOT looking forward to the progesterone in oil shots that I will have to daily; they are also intramuscular shots.  EEEEEK!!

So here we are, it’s Tuesday night and we’re at a hotel in Birmingham (third trip up here in three days).  At the last minute this afternoon, Anthony received approval to take me to my egg retrieval.  We didn’t think they would even consider letting him out of class, so we’re so thankful they did.  My surgery is scheduled for 9:15am, and Anthony has to report back at 2:30pm.  It will be cutting it super close, so let’s hope he makes it back on time.  I’m getting kind of nervous!  The fact that I had to give myself an enema definitely didn’t help with the nerves!  I guess multiple daily shots were not enough; enemas have been added to the list of requirements for optimal baby making.  Anthony must be thankful again tonight that he’s not a woman. 

Please pray that we’ll get some mature eggs out my 18 follicles tomorrow, and that some of them fertilize!  I will update you tomorrow night when the anesthesia wears off!

Here is a photo of the small needle I was using for lupron and stims, compared to the one I had to use last night, and that I’ll start using daily for progesterone injections. 

Stim Day Six

Today was stim day six, and the first appointment to check on my follicles.  I was super nervous all week that we’d go in and they’d tell us that I was responding too quickly (mature eggs take at least 8 days of stims), or that I wasn’t responding at all.  I was elated when the nurse practitioner said I was right where I should be!  She counted 10 sizeable follicles in my right ovary, and 8 in my left.  She said others could possibly catch up, but the 18 are looking good.  Another nurse practitioner (my favorite) walked in during the ultrasound, and said “You’re doing so good, Girl!”  Anthony grabbed my hand at that moment, and we were both filled with happiness.  You would have thought we were looking at a baby on that ultrasound screen, not just a bunch of follicles that may be eggs.

After our appointment, I got the call that my blood work came back good as well; my progesterone was .8, and my estradiol was 647.  I was instructed to continue on my current dose of meds tonight, and tomorrow night.  My next appointment is Sunday morning in Birmingham.  We normally go to Montgomery for appointments, but they’re closed on weekends, so we’ll be leaving our house at 4:30am on Sunday to make the trip to Birmingham!   

We’ve just about mastered the stim meds! We have the mixing down, and Anthony has become a pro in making sure he gets all of the medicine into the syringes, with absolutely nothing left in the little medicine jar (this is a very complicated task!).  I have many bruises on my tummy, but most of them don’t hurt.  I am just starting to notice bloating, but I did eat a huge dinner, so I’m not sure I can blame it all on the meds!  I’m expecting that the bloating will continue, and worsen over the next few days as my follicles and ovaries get larger.

Coming into this, I was scared to death, and thought there was no way I would be able to do all of these injections.  It’s odd to think now that they have become more of a nuisance, than a fear.  I think the most difficult part of IVF is that you have so little control over the entire process, and the outcome.  You can do everything you’re told, but no matter how perfectly you do them, you cannot control how your body reacts.  Each milestone means so much, and makes you so proud, but you are immediately left with the next waiting period.  You leave every appointment with a new sense of uncertainty, with no way of guaranteeing that things won’t go haywire by the next checkup.  You just have to keep hoping, believing, and praying that it’s going to work out.  That this time, it’s your turn to be blessed with a baby.

This song has been on repeat this week…

Randy Houser- In God’s Time

In God's time
A million years might only be a single day
And everything He does gets done His own way
In God's time

And in God's time
You'll find that certain someone you've been praying for
And they'll be everything you dreamed of and a little more
In God's time

Oh, but no one knows
Not you or me
It might be tomorrow or it might never be
Oh, but don't lose faith
Put it in His hands
'Cause it might be that He might have a bigger plan
Than you had in mind
Miracles happen
In God's time

And in God's time
You'll finally get the chance to hold your baby girl
And all the sudden everything'll make sense in this crazy world
In God's time

Oh, but no one knows
Not you or me
It might be tomorrow or it might never be
Oh, but don't lose faith
Put it in His hands
'Cause it might be that He might have a bigger plan
Than you had in mind
Miracles happen
In God's time

And In God's time
You go to sleep and wake up with wings and learn to fly
And you finally meet your loved ones on the other side
In God's time

Suppression Check Update!!

I am beyond happy to report that my suppression check went great on Friday! There were no cysts, my endometrium was thin, and my estradiol was at a 51 (supposed to be anywhere under a 100).  Anthony was able to come to my appointment and witness the vagina violation first hand…I think he left feeling thankful that he’s not a woman. 

We had already planned a weekend trip to the beach, but the good news made the trip so much more enjoyable!  I can’t get my body temperature too hot while doing IVF, so I spent my time reading under an umbrella, or in the water!  The beaches are so beautiful here; Anthony and I talked a lot about how we hope to bring our kids here often for family vacations.

We’re back at home now, and we just finished injections for my first night of stimulation medicine!  I had anxiety all weekend about these dang meds!  For stims, I am taking two different medicines: Follistim, and Menopur.  Some people inject them in two different shots, but my doctor said they could be mixed, so that it’s only one injection.  The mixing was a little confusing, and we questioned what we were doing a million times, but we finally did it!  I have heard that the Menopur stings really bad, but it didn’t burn at all.  Maybe the mixing helped?!  I am also still taking Lupron, but the dosage is now half of what it was before.  With two shots a day, I’m hoping that I don’t run out of places on my tummy to inject!

My next appointment is this Friday.  We will be checking to see how many follicles I have, and how big they are.  I am expecting to be very bloated over the next 10 days, as my ovaries are going to be housing so many (hopefully) growing follicles. 

I’ll keep you updated; thank you for your continued prayers! xo

Progestrone Results Are In!!

Anthony got to come with me to my appointment yesterday, and it turned out that I only had to give blood.  I think we were in clinic for a total of five minutes!  I was just happy that the ladies in the office didn’t have to wonder if my husband was imaginary anymore!  Anthony’s little sister, Alicia, is visiting so we made the hour and half drive to the doctor worthwhile by shopping and getting lunch before we headed back home. 

After each appointment, the nurse will either call, or leave a message on my patient voicemail with the test results, and next steps.  I think I checked my patient voicemail a hundred times yesterday, and finally heard “You have one new message” around five o’clock yesterday evening.  My heart started beating really fast as I prepared to hear bad news, but instead I got great news!!  My progesterone was just above eight, and they needed it to be six or higher!  

So, I started Lupron again last night!  The anxiety of injections started all over again.  The shot ended up being pretty easy; I looked away while Anthony pricked me, and barely felt the needle go in.  The strange thing was that immediately afterward, I had a big knot inside my tummy where the injection was.  Swelling is a side effect, but one I didn’t have last time.  With the last round of Lupron I would get one small bump on the surface of my skin, like a mosquito bite, and it would itch for a half hour or so.   The bump from last night is now gone, but the area is still tender, and I’m sure a bruise will appear soon.  At least I won’t forget where the last shot was, so I know not to inject in the same spot!

I go in for my suppression check (when my cycle got cancelled last time) next Friday, June 24^th.  I am going to try not to get my hopes up, but remain positive at the same time.  If everything is okay at my suppression check, then I will start my stimulation meds on Sunday, June 26^th. 

Please continue to keep us in your prayers; we need them more than ever!! We appreciate and love you all so much!